Thursday, June 14, 2012

Prometheus Review: No Spoilers. And Top 10 D&D Rules They Broke

It didn't suck.  It wasn't great. 

The people on the ship obviously never played D&D.  Here's the top ten rules they broke:

1.  Never leave the weapons behind when exploring somewhere new and creepy.  Idiots.
2.  Never touch the gooey slimy shit.
3.  Never trust non-humans.
4.  Never trust humans.
5.  Never trust the unknown.  Everything in the universe is fucking hostile.
6.  Never count on the gods.  The gods don't give a fuck.
7.  Never be a fucking scrounge and go back for the treasure when there is a Category 67 Hurricane on its way.
8.  Never take your fucking airmask off, even when someone says "The air seems safe to breathe."
9.  Never split the group
10.  Never count on a happy ending.


  1. Yes, it did seem strange that the crew were utterly clueless and themselves had evidently never previously seen a sci-fi film or read a sci-fi book.

    David was the best character in the film, despite the fact that he was an android. This illustrates how essentially soulless this film was. 'Prometheus' is certainly at times a good-looking film, at others an ugly one, and contains the occasional shock and a number of stomach-churning moments for the squeamish; but it is underscripted, underplotted and lacks a satisfying conclusion. Originality was absent, and even its best characters are two-dimensional:

  2. I recently saw it myself. Have to say your review is the most accurate. And on a side note, the music sucked. The sound track seemed like it belonged to another movie. And at times I swear they were going scary close to sounding like a Star Trek episode.

  3. The horror movie genre is almost completely based on people that do really unwise things. Then again, when confronted with a life-or death situation, I don't think I'd nessecarily make the right choices.

    Spoiler section: go to to decode.

    Gur bar ovt guvat gung trgf zr vf gung gur ovb-orq jnf frg sbe znyr bayl. Lrf vg jnf gurer sbe gur crefbany hfr bs Jrlynaq. Ohg vg'f bayl qngn, naq tvira gur fcnpvbhfarff bs gur fuvc gurl pbhyq rnfvyl unir chg va nabgure frg bs uneq qevirf.

    Zbfg bs gur bgure guvatf pna or onfrq ba crbcyr abg znxvat tbbq pubvprf va fvghngvbaf gung gurl nera'g cercnerq sbe.

    End spoliers, begin oblique reference.
    I'm just wondering where the control room is and what jokes Hadley and Sitterson would be making about all this.

  4. I agree, but it should be noted that Vickers (Charlize Theron)tried to do the sensible thing pretty much throughout the movie. That was kind of refreshing to see in a film like this.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.