Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Greatest Paradox in Geekdom

Ina fight between Star Trek the original series Redshirts and Star Wars A New Hope Storm Troopers, who would win?

On the one hand, the Redshirts have to die.

On the other hand, Storm Troopers can't ever hit anything they aim at.

Who wins and how?


  1. The storm troopers would win--they relentlessly advance even if they're not actually hitting anything, so eventually they would just trample the red shirts to death.

  2. Given that:

    Pr(t) == Chance of a Red Shirt dying over the course of time
    Ps(t) == Chance of a Stormtrooper hitting a target over the course of time

    By simple analogous definition:

    SUM(Pr(t)) as t->infinity = 100%
    SUM(Ps(t)) as t->infinity = 0%

    Therefore the stormtroopers will necessarily win. But not by killing the redshirts, merely because the redshirts will die regardless of the ineptness of the stormtroopers.

  3. As much as I'd like Star Trek to beat Star Wars, I'd have to say the storm troopers would win. They'd aim at *themselves* and miss. The stray shots would be unlikely to hit anyone... except red shirts.

  4. Red Shirts are just security. Remember Star Fleet is about exploration, amd usually not military actions. At least initially in their history. Storm Troopers are military, and early Storm Troopers weren't mearly as inept as the later ones.

  5. Well, since you didn't specify force size:

    Being ToS red shirts, they would likely employ the Kill Limit Strategem.* Therefore, they would win by sending wave after wave of red shirts at the storm troopers until they either mistakenly shoot one another or are crushed by the weight of the dead crewmen.

    (ToS ended too soon for us to see it implemented, but Zapp Brannigan, James T. Kirk's top student, made effective use of it: "You see Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.")

  6. Sir,

    On behalf of the Imperial Veteran's Benevolence Society, I must take exception to your erroneous claim of the gallant Stormtrooper's inability to hit their targets.

    I offer the decimation of the rebel scum of the Tantive IV as evidence.

    However, is alleged that the sights on most of the shipments of the BlasTech E-11 blaster rifle to the original Death Star were tampered with in an act of industrial sabotage, so I can understand the reason for your error...

  7. If a Stormtrooper shoots you with his blaster (and that's a big IF) you could die or just get hurt (Leia on Endor in Return of the Jedi).

    If an original series Star Trek security officer shoots you with his phaser you get a bright green outline and then GO AWAY.

    One gun causes damage.

    The other removes you from existance.

    Star Trek trumps Star Wars hands down.

    I always think these things are hilarious. Everyone notes how many guns and ships Star Wars has. Who cares? We're talking about guys who can appear out of thin air (Transporter), make you go away (Phaser) and detect exactly who you are, where you are and when you're approaching (Tricorder).

    Its like landing a modern day marine attachment fighting World War I soldiers.


  8. Storm Trooper - The Ewok traps would end up hitting the Red Shirts, regardless of how badly the sights were damaged.

  9. Red-shirts lost:


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