Friday, March 19, 2010

Kill Fuck or Marry? 3 Versions of D&D...

For those not familiar with the game, it is usually applied to members of the opposite sex, usually people you are friends with or work with. Out of a pool of only 3 available options, you have to Kill one, Marry one, and Fuck one, and state the reasons why.

The only 3 options are:

1. 3.x/Pathfinder
2. 4E
3. Older D&D editions

I'd fuck 3.x, because of all its robust and well endowed body parts, but would grow tired of it quickly because the relationship would grow more and more complex as time went on, giving me more and more headaches, when all I wanted was a quick roll of the dice.

I'd kill 4e because the sex would be a grind. You know you're gonna get to the climax eventually, but you have to keep at it for a boring monotonous hour and a half just to get there.

I'd marry older editions because even though she's aged and has seen better days, she knows what matters most in a relationship and gives me what I want quick, with a minimum of fuss.


In that spirit and format....your choices?


  1. We have the same taste in... err... games.

  2. Bravo; Well said.

    You've summed up my feelings about the various editions of D&D to a 'T'.


  3. I agree with you on taking an axe to 4e. What a mess.

  4. No one else wants to add their picks in the format above?

    Check out the thread on wherein I posted the same question for some interesting expected from the Internet's Mos Eisley.

  5. I was always taught there was THREE RINGS to courtship . . .

    engagment ring
    wedding ring and

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Oh, fine...

    I'd fuck 4E. She's young and stupid, and won't be around long enough to bother me later on.

    I'd kill 3E. She's been around the block way too many times.

    I'd marry older editions. She was my high school sweetheart.

  8. Tough choice, since I like all three. (I know - that means I burn in the hells of all three religions.)

    I'd kill older editions, since as much as I loved 1st ed, I don't even know which things we used were houserules and which were RAW. So I'd come across it in an alley one day, and as it came up to me to greet me as one would an old friend, I'd panic. Not recognizing it for what it is and assuming it was a disreputable hobo out to mug me, I'd shoot it.

    I'd fuck 3.x, or more specifically, her sister Iron Heroes. We just have so much fun together, but I can't see settling down. I'd need more.

    I'd marry 4e. Solid, reliable, easy to please; a system I can settle down with.

  9. I'm already married to 4E, because that's what my gaming group loves and it's what I've invested a shit ton in.

    I'd fuck Pathfinder and ride her dirty. Because apparently most of my local gaming community still does d20/3.5.....and if I'm going that route, I'd want her to have some traits I like.

    I'd also fuck OSR, cuz I liked older dames and her experience goes far. She's the pinup girl from my childhood and she still looks good.

    I'd kill D&D 3e/3.5 specifically. I love d20 systems, but the brand name of third edition D&D is probably the most frustrating bunch I've ever gamed with. I love hearing peeps accusing 4E of having no RP potential, and THEN going into how they stat crunch the hell out of their characters with feats. No kidding, listened to a 4E Basher the other day accuse it of being a "WoW clone" and then brag about his sorcerer stacking feats to have more HP than the tanks.

  10. My initial read was exactly as you described, JOe, but just for the challenge I'll offer up a different take.

    I'd fuck 4e because it's designed to make you feel like a goddamn hero, even if it's your first time, so you can expect hot romps in the sack that are perfectly matched to your ever-changing libido.

    I'd marry 3e because it's got like a zillion hot, sexy outfits in the form of splat books and supplements. Things will never get dull with 3e in the sack because she can always try some new feats or slip on a masterwork mithril nightie.

    I'd kill the older editions because a relationship is supposed to be about learning and discovery during a lifetime of experiences, and the older editions have nothing left for us to learn—especially in bed.

  11. I'd kill 3.X ... she is a dirty slut who talks too much.

    I'd fuck the ole MILFs of Basic,1st,2nd ... pleasurable as they are in bed ... they are all married to old guys with houses in the French Rivera (old money and all).

    I'd marry 4E ... she is young and hot ... not very experienced but easy to impress. Besides as soon as 5E is out I'll divorce her and take a go at the new girl.


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