Thursday, July 25, 2013

Attention Flailsnailers! Sir the Fist Returns!

Attention Flailsnailers!

The humble half-elf you once knew as Sir the Fist of Uther is no longer with us.  As some of you may have heard, he was on a heroic and altruistic mission in some cursed Pit of Hell, trying to do the right thing surely, when he was smote down by some foul contraption which caused him to revert to a more primitive form of his races.

Unable to take the transition, he did the only honorable thing and committed suicide.

Since then, due to a potion carried by one of his former party members, he was reincarnated as an Full-blooded Orc.  At first he tried to deny his new heritage, acting like the half-elf he was formerly.

He was wrong.

He went into deep meditation one night during the Blood Moon and his new god, Grok, came to him and sung to him a powerful orcish warchant:

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were born this way, baby

[Verse:]
My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

[Chorus:]
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

[Post-chorus:]
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag ‒ just be a queen [x3]
Don't be!

[Verse:]
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (Hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (Love needs faith)

[Repeat chorus + post-chorus]

[Bridge:]
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'cause baby you were born this way

No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to survive.
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to be brave.

[Repeat chorus + post-chorus]

[Outro/refrain:]
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

[Fade away:]
Same DNA, but born this way.
Same DNA, but born this way.

He now follows Grok, Orcish God of War, Battle, Chaos, Carnage and Mayhem. Tonight he makes his grand re-appearance on board the Apollyon.

Consider yourselves warned.

(which should be interesting, considering that his player started on the rum and cokes and the WhatNot a bit too early in the evening for any coherent roleplaying to take place. Which, considering he is an orc now, should be just fine, now that I think of it.  :)  )

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Stop Your Endless Bitching About Magic-Users Being More Powerful Than Every Other Class...

...because they're fucking supposed to be!

First, look at the source material.  Appendix N.  Read those books.  See where the game came from?



Second, you were warned:

OD&D:  "Top level magic-users are perhaps the most powerful characters in the game, but it is a long hard road to the top, and to begin with they are weak, so survival is often the question, unless fighters protect the low level magical types until they have worked up."

Holmes:  "Thus the magic-user starts out as an extremely weak character, but if he survives and rises in experience, he becomes increasingly powerful."

B/X:  "Though they are weak at first, magic-users can eventually become very powerful."

Basic (Mentzer):  "Magic-users start as the weakest characters, but can become the most powerful!"

Rules Cyclopedia:   "Magic-users start as the weakest characters, but can eventually become the most powerful."

AD&D 1e:  "Thus, while magic-users are not strong in combat with weapons, they are possibly the most fearsome of all character classes when high levels of ability are finally attained.  Survival to that point can be a problem, however, as low-level magic-users are quite weak."

AD&D 2e:  "Spells are the tools, weapons, and armor of the wizard.  He is weak in a toe-to-toe fight, but when prepared he can strike down his foes at a distance, vanish in an instant, become a wholly different creature, or even invade the mind of an enemy and take control of his thoughts and actions.  No secrets are safe from a wizard and no fortress is secure.  His quest for knowledge and power often leads him into realms where mortals were never meant to go."  (and they said this after gimping the shit out of a lot of MU spells!)

And then we get to 3.x and later editions, where all must be in balance and harmony, and god forbid any class/race/feat combination does more damage per round than any other.  The only thing I can think of that changed these expectations which were clearly laid out in earlier editions are shitty TSR and WOTC novels which broke with the swords and sorcery traditions, and MMO's.  Hello Everquest!

Also, I suspect that even in earlier editions, if there was grumbling and discontent, go back and ask yourself-- did you impose scribing costs?  Spell book loss chances from theft of fireball type stuff?  Chance to learn spells rules per intelligence?  Max number of spells known per intelligence?  Massive magical research costs?  Costs for traveling spellbooks?  Time away from adventuring for the wizards as he did these things while the other pc's leveled up?  Have the enemies target the magic-users as a smart tactical move?  All these things were a means of balancing out the classes by slowing down the power escalation.  Plus, the amount of xp needed to level up did the same thing.  I suspect if you did all this stuff talked about in the rules, the number of wizards in the campaigns would be far fewer and they would be far less powerful.

Shit, even when Flailsnails games started, I lost like three MU's right out of the gate.  I eventually made up Sir the Fist as a triple class F/C/MU just so the MU in him would have a higher chance of survivability.

Magic-Users are meant to be gods.  Just look at Raistlin.  Deal with it, pussies.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Social Media Sucks

I just deleted my last Facebook account.  Yup, last.  I once had three.  I had one for family, which I never went on because who wants their family to know anything about them.  I deleted that a while ago.   I had one for geek shit, but once I got onto G+ I deleted that.  My last one, the one for people I never see but used to see who can tolerate my shit and not be offended, I deleted today.  I figure they know my number if they wanna get in touch.  Getting tired of endless social media mediums and especially the lack of any really meaningful communication with them.  It's fucking with the way people communicate and deal with each other as human beings. 



And fuck texting too.  I've seen people sitting in restaurants having dinner together, and texting other people.  And somehow that's not considered rude as hell?  Speaking of rude, it's no longer bad manners to talk to someone face to face and text someone else either apparently. 

And has anyone seen our cute little zombies these days?  AKA anyone under 20 yrs old?  Ever see them without a cell phone in their hands for more than 30 seconds?  I'm telling you, it's fucking them up.  The constant distraction, they have no attention span and communicate like retards.  Plus the vanity.  All they do is post pictures of themselves.  WTF?  Selfies are taking over the internet.

I think I'll delete Tumblr next, after I post this.  It's been going downhill since Yahoo bought it.  The censorship is already beginning.  Twitter might come soon after.  I think I'll eventually just end up with G+ and Blogger for gaming related shit.

That and a plain old email address.

Anyone have any rotary phones they want to sell me?

Bah Fucking Humbug.  Off the lawn Motherfucker!!!  And to all a Good Night.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

It Seems That WOTC Needs Old School DM's

Apparently they need shitloads of people to DM DnD Next at GenCon.


I dunno if this is a sign of 5e's popularity, or lack thereof, or a LFR protest, or something else. 

 http://dungeonsmaster.com/2013/07/dms-for-gencon-needed-badly/

It makes me wonder, how can they be requesting people to play/DM a game that is not complete yet?  Granted, I haven't been following the beta of 5e, so I have no idea where they are with it, but I know I would have heard if there was a "complete enough to play, pretty much what you see here is what the game is gonna be" version out there. 

Would most DM's feel comfortable dm'ing a skeleton of a game system?  It would likely turn into a freewheeling type of game, like a flailsnails game, with lots of winging it where the rules are concerned.  But then you're not playting 5e, are ya?  Or are ya?

Then again, how many new school DM's could pull such a game off and make it fun?  In my experience, the last generation of GM's seem too tied to rules heavy games to comfortably wing such a game and make it fun. 

Maybe WOTC should recruit a shitload of old schoolers to introduce people to their new game? 

That'd be fuckin' ironic.