Thursday, July 25, 2013

Attention Flailsnailers! Sir the Fist Returns!

Attention Flailsnailers!

The humble half-elf you once knew as Sir the Fist of Uther is no longer with us.  As some of you may have heard, he was on a heroic and altruistic mission in some cursed Pit of Hell, trying to do the right thing surely, when he was smote down by some foul contraption which caused him to revert to a more primitive form of his races.

Unable to take the transition, he did the only honorable thing and committed suicide.

Since then, due to a potion carried by one of his former party members, he was reincarnated as an Full-blooded Orc.  At first he tried to deny his new heritage, acting like the half-elf he was formerly.

He was wrong.

He went into deep meditation one night during the Blood Moon and his new god, Grok, came to him and sung to him a powerful orcish warchant:

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were born this way, baby

[Verse:]
My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

[Chorus:]
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

[Post-chorus:]
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag ‒ just be a queen [x3]
Don't be!

[Verse:]
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (Hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (Love needs faith)

[Repeat chorus + post-chorus]

[Bridge:]
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'cause baby you were born this way

No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to survive.
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to be brave.

[Repeat chorus + post-chorus]

[Outro/refrain:]
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

[Fade away:]
Same DNA, but born this way.
Same DNA, but born this way.

He now follows Grok, Orcish God of War, Battle, Chaos, Carnage and Mayhem. Tonight he makes his grand re-appearance on board the Apollyon.

Consider yourselves warned.

(which should be interesting, considering that his player started on the rum and cokes and the WhatNot a bit too early in the evening for any coherent roleplaying to take place. Which, considering he is an orc now, should be just fine, now that I think of it.  :)  )